Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How naked do you want me to be?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
