Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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