I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
