I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
