the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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