I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
