Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
