Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know her cup size but not her name....
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