Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
