I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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