He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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