As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
