My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
