dude i'm inner monologue high
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
