i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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