so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
