I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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