Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
