remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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