I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
