i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
God, I missed his penis.
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