Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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