I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
