I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
