My underwear smells like fireworks.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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