I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
