He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
