The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
