Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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