I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
