dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
