Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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