What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
