direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
