What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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