I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
