im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
