How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
