did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
