I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
