It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My vagina is very pro this idea
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
