somebody snuck up and got me drunk
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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