I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
