I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
