Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
