if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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