i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
