Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
