Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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