those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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