Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
wow bdsm is so cute
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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