Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just cropdusted the office
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
