We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
