i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
