u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
