it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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