is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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