It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
