My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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