I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
