it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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