Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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