i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize