You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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