we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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