If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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