somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
