yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
