Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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