You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
