Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
