her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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