i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
