if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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