This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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