I wish I could teleport
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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