you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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